The Five Types Of Asperger’s

Impulsive (aka Party Crasher)

These aspies are run by their ids. They’re the most high-energy and the most likely to blurt out rude shit. Most prone to repetitive behaviors. Also more likely to show their feelings than other types. Prone to addictions from Internet browsing to heroin. They usually have more social awareness than they’re given credit for. They can even be charismatic for short periods of time, which makes sense because they’re generally the most social. But they’re the hardest aspies to spend extended periods of time with. They used to let their inner monologue run wild when they were younger, driving people away. They may or may not have learned better. Most have developed some pride in their inadvertent “tell it like it is” attitude, which is appreciated by certain people. Misdiagnoses include ADHD, bipolar disorder, & borderline.

Methodical (aka Patrick Bateman)

These aspies study the social world long and hard. They’re generally pretty touchy, having very specific ideas about what’s good and what isn’t. The most outwardly adept of the bunch, they can hold jobs and sustain friendships longer than other types. High IQs. High intensity. Repetitive behaviors. Wry conversationalists. Like to control their environment. Their sperg finally shows when you notice the studied aspect of their interactions. Plus their obsessive special interests, which they’re among the most likely to have. May be misdiagnosed with OCD or a personality disorder. I think these aspies are mostly men.

Sluggish (aka Stealth)

The low-energy type. They have the most sensory problems, but those sensory sensitivities can also bring them plenty of joy. They might have a better sense of smell, taste, and touch than most people. They get overwhelmed the most easily and it takes them the longest to recharge after any possible exertion. They generally don’t talk much. They have trouble articulating their thoughts to words. They have trouble with employment too. But to make up for all that they often have the most situational awareness of all types. They might even be street smart. That astuteness takes them ten times more energy than it takes everyone else, which is one reason they’re so tired. They might be misdiagnosed with ADD, hearing problems, schizophrenia, or a less intelligent form of autism.

Studious (aka Wedgie)

The prototypical Asperger. These people are usually smart, well-read, and mild-mannered. They’re the most noticeably intelligent of all types and they have the least awareness. They get taken advantage of easily. But they’re more adaptable than other types. Likely to work in tech. But they may also be found in teaching or helping professions. They have patience, discipline, and a drive towards mastery. Usually loyal to a fault. They were made fun of when they were younger, but now people like having them around. They make friends through either special interests or sheer wholesomeness. May have a good sense of humor. Common misdiagnoses include ADHD, OCD, and major depression.

Masked (aka Good Actress)

The least obvious aspies. They don’t have blunt tells like repetitive behaviors or big mouths, at least not in front of other people. It surprises people when these aspies slip up. Generally the most empathetic type, they have decently developed theory of mind skills but might also be gullible at unfortunate times. People get protective of them without knowing why. They’re popular by aspie standards, because they’ve learned how to be good conversationalists and good listeners. Chances are they were either diagnosed late or so early that they’ve gotten every kind of help possible. They might be misdiagnosed with ADHD, OCD, eating disorders, or major depression. I think these are mostly women.

I’m an Impulsive and my boyfriend’s a Sluggish. But I’ve dated all of them. Especially Methodicals. If you don’t like yourself on here you might be able to change with time. It’s like the Myers-Briggs for spergs.